Ten years ago, I was working as an engineer, with two children under the age of 4.  My husband was working as a teaching golf pro at a course 50 miles away. He worked weekends and on his days off during the week, he took care of our two young sons. From April to October, with different days off and my husband returning home from work late in the evening, after the sun went down and the course had been closed, I experienced what it was like to be a single parent.

Ten years ago, I was at Easter dinner at my brother’s house in Denver, distracted with watching the kids. My husband was working. I knew that I had the whole season in front of me, being responsible for the kids on my days off and when I got home from work on the weekdays.  My younger son was 10 months old and mobile. Single parenting is a lonely task. This was not the way it was supposed to be.

Ten years ago, my older son, then 3 years old, asked me a question as I was walking out the door to go to work.  His question was simple: "Mom, when will there be a day when both you and Dad will be home?"  This moment is so vivid in my mind that I know exactly where I was standing, two steps from the door leading to the garage. I can see my son sitting on the couch, just a few feet away.  A sinking feeling was in my stomach and tears welled up in my eyes. I replied, "I don’t know." 

Ten years ago, going to work on Monday morning was time to myself and a reprieve from 24-hour childcare on the weekends.  It was a way to keep my sanity.  I loved my kids and my husband but I didn’t love my lifestyle.

Ten years ago, I was in a physical therapist’s office in Boulder, getting treated for a bad case of TMJ. The stress of my daily life had manifested in shoulders and a back that were "rock hard" in the words of one helping professional.  And now my jaw was getting the full brunt of the stress.  The physical therapist made pleasant conversation while working on my jaw.  I kept it together until she asked me about my schedule and my family.  When I explained the situation, she said quite innocently, "Gee, that must be hard." 

The floodgates opened up in that sterile office, lying on a table, in the hands of a physical therapist who had no idea what she had just unleashed. From that office, I drove to my workplace, walked into my supervisor’s office, and said, "I can only work four days a week. I need one day off a week, indefinitely." 

I changed trajectories that day.  I was no longer willing to play the role of a single parent, 7 days a week, 7 months out of the year.

Today, ten years later, my husband and I both work out of our home. Once in awhile, we rendevous in the kitchen for lunch. In the afternoons, I am usually in my home office when my sons get home from school, picked up by my husband. Their high-pitched voices enter the kitchen for a snack. In the evenings, we play board games or watch a nature show on PBS.

Today, I have space in my life. I’m relaxed and laugh often.  I look forward to weekends and weekdays. My body still has aches and pains, but that’s more from being middle-aged and trying to keep up with my son on the ski slopes. I no longer just get through the day. I savor it. I look back and see where I made course corrections to get to where I am today.   

Change your trajectory. Change your life.