I recently attended an arts performance that was part of a festival celebrating "creative aging." I went because it was in my own backyard
(Boulder), at a convenient time (Sunday afternoon) and featured a
performing group that I enjoyed (Stories On Stage) at a discounted price ($10).
The aging part didn't phase me until I arrived at the venue, and noticed that I was one of the few without white hair and with little patience for the slow check-in process. I told my sister, who is 60 but looks to be late forties, "I think I arrived here twenty years too soon." Photo by BlackPitShooting.
It's not that I haven't been around old people. My stepfather just turned 95 and my mother is in her mid-eighties. I see them on a regular basis.
One or two in a crowd is fine. Old age being the crowd is another story. I'll be honest. Being in a sea of senior citizens is disconcerting. These are people who no longer pretend to be young-looking by coloring their hair. They look their age. They have wrinkles. They wear hearing aids. My logical mind tried to calm me down. This crowd, on a Sunday afternoon, were sophisticated Boulderites, wearing trendy clothes, and looking healthy in both mind and spirit. These aren't people who lived in a nursing home. For god's sake, these are people who believe in aging well.
Still, I was uncomfortable. I realized that some day, people like the ones surrounding me at the festival, would be my peers. They would be my tribe. Instead of a future, I saw a past. Instead of potential, I saw a live well-lived. Instead of being the main course, I would be a side dish. Relegated to the sidelines, I would no longer be a player, but simply a spectator. Instead of vitality, I saw declining energy and ability. Photo by rileyroxx
What's scary now is realizing how entrenched this story is that I've been telling myself. Some of it is true. In twenty years, I will have more wrinkles, more white hair, and less energy than I have now. But how I live my life and what impact I have in twenty or thirty years is up for grabs. No one determines that but me.
What biases do you have that you weren't fully aware of? And what is the story that you tell yourself?
‘Instead of potential, I saw a life well-lived.’
I am reminded of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits. One is ‘Begin With the End in Mind.’ There are three people who will speak at your funeral. What will they say about you?
How wonderful that these seniors are being stimulated creatively.
Very interesting.
To be honest, how much attention do I pay to old people now? How much attention and resources do governments give to old people?
It’s always about the future, the next generation, the children, the youths, the people who are working, the people who will contribute to the economy.
Thinking about it, I’m really afraid of the day when, like you say, I will be relegated to the sidelines of society – to be seen as someone who is of little use anymore, just being there, waiting.
Very interesting….certainly makes you think twice about what you’re doing with your life now, where you want it to lead, and make you reassess your attitudes now to old people….
Thanks, Dora and Paul for your comments. I find this topic so interesting. Hopefully, we will all experience old age and the process of aging, and yet, no one wants to really think about it. You both point to the beauty of planning now, for a life well-lived. We do have a youth-oriented society and these days, with good health, aging doesn’t have to look like the stereotypes that are in our heads.