The following set of questions for Ilene comes from an email that I recently received from a reader of this blog.

 

Have you had any enlightening experiences or thoughts about God or what comes next?

Do you see yourself moving from your work here and your approach with Death as a way to segue into what’s next?

And does this belief in the afterlife, help you with the fearless approach you are taking as you plan for your own death?

Complex question. Here’s my stab at it:

What I’ve noticed is while I have been drawn towards what I believe is goodness and love, my full faith in God and an after life did not get cinched until I was facing death and finally surrendered to my ALS.  At that point, I could not believe that God would cut me down in my prime, doing good work, unless there was bigger purpose for me.

I now believe there is a Great Spirit, and that my Higher Self or Soul has contracted for this life, this incarnation into human form to do work and learn lessons that will further my soul’s journey.  I actually think, and I don’t want this to sound smug, that I have finished the lessons and Karma that I contracted for in this life.  There is more work or purpose for me beyond this incarnation as Ilene.

Because I love life and being in a body, I would not willingly have left without the loss in body function this disease creates.  So my disease is helping me let go. 

In addition I believe that disease is not an accident.  We develop disease that teaches us, that creates balance, that brings us to the aspect of ourselves we deny.  For example, my father was a very brilliant and responsible man. He developed a brain tumor and that forced him to be in areas he tended to avoid–emotion and dependence. 

The one place I refused to go was to dependence and allowing in help.  I have loved being independent and in control.  This disease requires me to allow support and dependence on others for basic survival.  It forces me to relinquish control.  The other place that I struggle is in believing I am enough.  I have spent much life energy doing, performing and proving that I am worthy. This disease has stopped me from being able to perform. It has me just "be." I’ve Iearned that simply “being” is enough.  Again creating balance in the areas I have avoided.

As far as an afterlife, I think that our soul incarnates into a physical form with very specific goals and circumstances to help it experience certain lessons.  I believe we choose these lessons and circumstances before we come into this life.  When we incarnate, we forget. We then go about our lives rediscovering who we are and what we are about.  Disease offers a way to get pushed into areas we tend to avoid or not develop because we are more comfortable relying on our strengths.

At the end of our lives, if we have avoided aspects that we need to develop to be balanced or whole, disease offers an opportunity to be with these.  That’s why it is called “dis-ease.”  Life is about rediscovering who we are and coming into wholeness. 

We always have free will and sometimes we abandon our soul’s journey and purpose or get off course.  I think when we die physically our soul goes to “wherever it is that souls go.” I wouldn’t call it an afterlife, so much as a realm where thoughts create reality, where energy is at a different vibration.  Here, we have an opportunity to examine our life and choose what is next to further our soul’s growth or purpose.  I believe souls want to grow lighter and closer to love and more like God.  I think God loves to incarnate to experience the universe from multiple perspectives and explore new ways of seeing and being.

In facing my death, I find I have a lot more time and energy to direct towards this line of thought than I had when I was healthy.  That seems natural to me.