I learned a big lesson last week.
In preparing to be interviewed about my newest venture, A Bigger Voice, I talked with colleagues about my apprehension and my biggest nightmare–being speechless or fumbling for the right words to describe my passion. I know, it sounds silly. But this was my third try at the same interview (don’t ask…) and I was terrified of blowing it again. My colleagues gave me good advice (and coaching) about getting grounded ahead of time, giving myself space to focus, and knowing my audience. They also helped me get started with the words (which I’ve found to be notoriously tricky, for some reason.)
Later, I talked with my coach. I was hoping she could do a mock interview with me, to help me practice. After hearing about my concerns of falling into a huge pit during the interview, she declared: "You’re already in the pit." Oh. Imagine that.
After a few more questions and responses, she said simply: "You’ve got to let go of proving yourself, if you want to get to where you want to go." Oh. Now, I was really interested.
The ego has a way of hamstringing me, disguised as the engineer who wants so badly to be competent.
If proving myself is not the way to go, what is? Stepping into my passion, curiosity, and joy of sharing. It’s what served me so well in creating three iTunes podcasts, numerous blogs, and interviewing countless experts about their field. It’s just a lot different when I’m on the other side of the desk, being interviewed instead of being the interviewer.
I got to the interview with plenty of time, enough time to grab a hot tea called Mindful Meditation at a coffee shop next door. I had purposely left my schedule light in the morning as to not be frazzled by the time of the interview. I had gotten my head in the game, having talked about A Bigger Voice at a networking meeting the night before. It helped that a stranger overheard my conversation with friend and told me how much she could see my passion for the topic and wanted to join in.
All these things helped. And what made all the difference: I stood in the space of wanting to share, not wanting to prove.
The time went by quickly and I had fun. Both good signs that the slogging energy of having to prove had been shed, at least temporarily. I’ll post the interview when it comes out.
I joined the chorus of other voices saying, “What? You? Worried about an interview? Really?!” … because I’ve heard, so many times, you speak with great vibrancy and passion about A Bigger Voice, your role in it, your vision and hopes for it… and because it never occurs to me that you’d be striving to prove yourself. Because to me, and (I suspect) to the others who voiced the same surprise at your admission about this challenge, you’re so far beyond needing to prove yourself that it never occurs to us as a possibility.
That’s not to say that it doesn’t make perfect sense–it does, and it’s a reminder that you’re human. A rockin’, spectacular human, but still human nonetheless. (I won’t tell anyone, though.) And in a way, that’s kind of an inspiration to someone who sees you as a mentor and an example of strength, because when I feel scared and nervous and like I simply MUST prove myself, (a) I know I’m in good company, and (b) I’ve got a great mantra to hang on to: I stand with an intention to share and discuss, not to prove or to judge.
Kudos on making it through the interview. And kudos on sharing that vulnerable side of you that many of us think or assume you never have to deal with. Brava.
Thanks, Marissa, for your comments. It’s so easy to get in your own way, with thoughts, beliefs and assumptions that don’t serve.
I suppose that’s good news for coaches. It often takes a neutral third party observer like a coach to bust the notion of what is true (and to help keep the Gremlins at bay…..)